Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
