Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
