There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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