my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
