it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
