I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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