Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
