I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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