you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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