I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
