You smell like a Billy Joel song
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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