And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
