I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
