why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
