he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
