oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
