I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just gift wrapped bread.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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