how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
