So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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