Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
