remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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