well I can't set my house on fire every night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
