I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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