i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
