quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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