NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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