bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
