dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
