Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
