dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
