Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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