Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
