arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
