I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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