Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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