im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
