Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
