Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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