So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
