I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
