i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
