pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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