i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
