I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
