I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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