If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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