you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I want is dick and wine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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