I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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