Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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