we're blogging at a bar
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
