she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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