ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
