If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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