You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
