Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i drank out of a bidet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
