why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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