tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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