EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Randomize
