The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
