I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
