Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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