Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
