Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Come on in and take your pants off
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