soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
