Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
