I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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