is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
