What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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