My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
