If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
