omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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