i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
