ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
