You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
