Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
