He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize