So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
